I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
