he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
