my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I deserve this hangover.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
