wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i need some magic done to my vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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