Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
