There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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