I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
