you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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