I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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