We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
