If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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