I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
