so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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