idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
