I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
