i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
false alarm, still single
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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