Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
