Define "chronic" masturbator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
