i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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