Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
