Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They took my balls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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