Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
