did you get engaged???
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
