No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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