READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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