i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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