to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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