Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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