Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
