i don't like sucking hair
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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