The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
