Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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