there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
