She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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