I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
