remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
