He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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