There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this just has baby written all over it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
