and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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