id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize