Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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