Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
