so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
