dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
