You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
