He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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