im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize