I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
