Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
