i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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