Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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