so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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