Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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