so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
nut hugger
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
