Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
