woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im part way to drunk.
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