Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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