My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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