She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
