This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
