she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
