I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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