I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
