i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
