Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
