I wish I could teleport
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
