community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
